Acceptance

unnamed-1 6.55.35 PM
unnamed-1 6.55.35 PM

The bar in Cambridge,

blues and greens

as preppies like

But he was Portuguese

Sexy man

Who taught me about freedom

We shared a love of the truth

His Pulitzer

My business

Our hearts lived

Apart and at a great

And comfortable

distance

And his first kiss on

Valleyheart

When he argued

For his limitations

Daring me to love

Him anyway

Nine years later,

three cats

and laughter

I'd dared

And lost

The argument.

Friendship

Now

Trumps all

And the intense stare

across the theatre

Eyes locked

A slow, understated

Approach

I thought was sexy

Only to find

he was just depressed

The black jaguar

The penthouse

And me

Sitting

Patiently

Beside sadness

And how I lost

three years there

which weren't as fun

as three years lost

in a trailer park

along side him

in the pick up

Marlboro reds

and flamingoes.

Real, sexy years of tequila

And jerkey, Montana and shooting ranges

He had a glock

Under his pillow

We'd have been ok anywhere

And then there was Yale

And the Olympics

And shells on the Thames

And the river Charles

A green Porsche

and the secret society

His book

My glamorous job

Endless betrayals

his with others

mine

by absentia

And he had a lisp

and was a valet

and loved me like

No other and

I wanted to make him

my Pygmalion

and I could have

If only

We hadn't lost a child

And one I distrusted

hypnotized me

And another

dying to love me

left me dying to be free.

And one I adore

Is out of reach.

Finally, I look

Back to my father

And wonder why,

he hurt me so.

No sympathy requested

No complaint here stated.

As I lay dying

I read the swords

(Like on the tarot card)

Betrayal,

Compromise

Confiscated

Robbed

Raped

Cheated

Liar

Loss

Absent

And finally,

The last

So what.

I saw him

The other night

Resurrected

in a golden orb

His face shone

With a gentle pride

At me.

"I did it

all because

I loved you

And your

triumph is

My job

well done."

I may be late

To the library,

to the party

To discover

Wiki

I may be late

to You tube

And behind

In the polls

But I am not

surrendered in pain

I am triumphant with

Understanding

I am "it"

And "no"is my best

friend

And  "yes" is its great cousin

How might I

Find my man

Until I know

The man in me?

She who asserts

And discerns,

Establishes boundaries

Is on her side

And behalf.

She who fights for her best

And takes no prisoners.

She who knows

Her worth

And protects it

With ferocity

She who would be him

if he were to arrive as me

Man.

Mine.